I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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