anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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