Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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