idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
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Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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