Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
farters have to be the big spoon...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize