Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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