maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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