i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
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Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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