and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize