I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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