i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize