i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize