Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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