I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
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Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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