If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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