I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Houston, we have a blender
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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