The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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