I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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