I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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