If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't watch enough power rangers
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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