Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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