I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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