I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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