I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize