my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
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You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
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You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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