New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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