Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
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you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize