he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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