Can i not drive my cunt home
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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