The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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