What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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