all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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