do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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