Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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