On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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