I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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