i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She even gives head with a lisp.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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