My Higher Power is John Stamos
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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