I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
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Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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