this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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