There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
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Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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