Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize