how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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