her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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