dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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