god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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