listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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