why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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