I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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