I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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