my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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